The Lone Wolf's Lass Read online

  She missed Ferghus so terribly that it crushed her heart. It felt wrong to gaze at Robert and long for something more for them. She had tried to prevent this from ever happening to them by approaching him that day, but he had thrown her love back in her face. And here they were now, about to birth a child together that was not their own. She knew he still did not love her. He was only here to fulfill a dying man’s wish and that thought truly stung. She needed his comfort for now but she promised to do all she could to chase him away once the babe arrived. It was what he truly wanted, she knew. Still, Robert was a stubborn man who would not walk away from a promise so easily. She would just have to be more stubborn than he.

  “You are coming along quickly, lass. When did the pains begin?” Abigael asked as she tugged Brianna’s skirt back down. She was thankful for having her modesty back, even if only temporarily.

  “Not long ago. I have been having pains off and on for days, but these just began a few hours ago and only get w-worse!” she growled as another came on strong. Och, birthing a human was a painful task! “Curse you, Ferghus O’Faolain for planting your seed and then leaving me alone!” she roared through her pain, not caring if Agatha heard her cursing her son. Fortunately, Agatha stayed silent and only looked at her with pity. She did not want pity, but it was better than censure.

  “You are not alone,” Robert said soothingly, but she was not soothed. She turned her gaze back to him and narrowed her eyes.

  “Och! What do you know? You have intentionally spent your life alone! I never wanted this! ’Tis all your f-fault!” Another pain gripped her and she tried to breathe through it but it was too intense to bear.

  Abigael chuckled under her breath, “You sound like an old married couple,” she tsked. “All the lassies say such things. Focus on your breathing, Brianna. Your child will be here soon.” Lifting her skirt up again, Abigael nodded. “He is already crowning. I see a full head of dark hair. Do you feel the need to push?”

  “Aye!” Brianna ground out.

  “Not yet, lass. Wait until I say.”

  “I cannot!” she wailed. A whimper left her lips and she was immediately taken aback when she saw Robert moving closer to her face, as if to kiss her. “What are you doing? Do not touch me!” she roared.

  Frowning, he wiped the sweat from her brow with a linen cloth and sat back down again. She felt foolish. Of course, he had not meant to kiss her. He had only kissed her twice in their lives and both times had been initiated by her. He had never wanted to kiss her, even when she looked her best. Why would he attempt such a thing now, when she looked like a sweaty boar? She meant to apologize, but another pain seized her and she clenched and wailed, no longer able to resist the urge to push.

  “The babe is coming!” Abigael said with glee.

  Robert got up and moved toward Abigael, suddenly staring between her legs. Brianna wanted to wail at him to move, but all she could care about was pushing this wee human out into the world.

  “That’s it, mo leanbh, you are doing well,” Abigael said with the calm of a seasoned midwife. Robert stood, staring between her legs with his eyes wide. She had nothing else to focus on, so she focused on his features. She expected to see disgust but the look on his face was one of wonder and a small smile lifted his lips. She had not seen Robert smile in so long, the mere act knocked the wind from her lungs. He was truly beautiful with his strong jaw covered in a few days’ worth of dark growth. His blue eyes looked at her suddenly and she almost gasped at the intensity staring back at her. It was a look of possession, pride, and… love? She was birthing his brother’s child, after all, she supposed.

  Brianna screamed as she pushed one last time, knowing the moment her child left her body. It was the most incredible sensation, but nothing was more wondrous than the sound of her child’s first wails.

  Tears streamed down her face as she saw Abigael hold her babe aloft. “’Tis a lusty lad, Brianna! You have a son!”

  “A… a son?” she croaked, suddenly blinded by the tears welling up in her eyes.

  “Aye,” Abigael said softly. “Ginny, hand me that linen cloth over there.” She pointed to a pile of her possessions she had brought along with her.

  With a swift nod, Ginny retrieved the cloth and handed it to Abigael, who wiped the babe clean before handing him over to Brianna. Before Brianna could reach out for the babe, Abigael pulled back and frowned. “I suggest skin to skin, lass. He will be comforted by the sound of your heart and he will be able to suckle at your breasts. You must remove this dress.”

  Desperation to hold her son mingled with the anxiety of being unclothed before Robert. He had never seen her unclothed and had already seen much too much as the babe was born. Must he now witness her protruding belly and engorged breasts? He would think her hideous. Her son began to wail and shiver, making Brianna’s reservations seem ridiculous. Lifting her body to pull her skirt over her hips, she then pulled her dress over her head, feeling relief wash over her. She was so hot and sweaty. It felt good to be free of her itchy wool gown.

  Abigael placed Brianna’s son on her chest and something so strong and powerful came over her, making her dizzy with emotion. Clutching her new son to her breast, she sobbed as she released a torrent of pent-up feelings. A love so all-consuming for her son left her breathless while the realization, once again, that Ferghus was gone, tore through her heart. And this strange connection with Robert who stood beside the bed, looking down at her and her son longingly, was making her feel so confused.

  Looking down at her son, she smiled and memorized his features. His hair was a very dark brown, much like hers, and he had the tiniest hands and feet. With his wee head turned against her chest, his eyes slowly opened and she was struck with his light blue eyes as they gazed back at her. He had his father’s eyes. “His name shall be Ferghus. Ferghus Niall Darragh O’Faolain.” It was a perfect name for such a perfect lad.

  “Och, Brianna! He looks just like his father,” Agatha proclaimed, wiping a tear away. “My wee grandson. Wee Ferghus. Your papa would be so proud of you, lass.”

  Her father and her husband were gone, but Brianna now had this wee lad to love. She knew in that moment that she had a real and wonderful reason to move forward with life. Her heart ached for those she had lost. How she wished Papa and Ferghus were here to see her child. But this was also the most significant moment of her life and she was determined to appreciate it with those who did surround her, even Robert, if she must.

  Robert finally moved after what felt like an eternity and she self-consciously covered herself from the waist down. She could do naught about her exposed breasts with her son on her chest but feeling his heat run through her skin was more important than modesty. “’Tis a beautiful lad,” he said softly, hesitating to touch him. “The name is perfect.”

  When his hand almost touched the lad’s hair, he pulled back as if unsure. Was he afraid she would shout at him again? She supposed she had been rather short-tempered with him. “You may touch him, Rob. He is your nephew.”

  With a serious face, Robert held her gaze for a moment, then shifted over to the lad, placing one large palm on the back of the babe’s head. His hand was so large, it was more than half the size of her son. She saw Robert swallow hard and could not help but smile.

  Wee Ferghus began to whimper and turn his head to and fro. “He is hungry, lass. You must feed him.” Abigael’s words snapped Brianna out of her spell and she sat up slowly, wincing at the pain between her legs. A small amount of clear liquid began to leak from each nipple and she frowned. “’Tis normal, Brianna. Your milk will come in soon. For now, he needs what you have to offer.”

  With a nod, Brianna adjusted Ferghus in her arms and helped his mouth latch onto her breast. She was amazed at how simple it was and how instinctively he took to it. She smiled with pride as the babe began to suckle heartily. Feeding her new son from her own body was truly amazing. Nothing in the world could have pleased her more.

  “All is well. I will lea
ve you all for now but Robert may fetch me if you need aught,” Abigael said with a proud smile before leaning closer to Brianna. Brianna shifted, expecting Abigael to touch her son, but instead, she whispered closely into Brianna’s ear. “He says he will always love you and your son. He says he will always be watching. He also says he wishes you to find true love, even if it is with the man you think you hate most in this world.”

  Brianna gasped and furrowed her brow at Abigael’s words. She knew the woman had visions. She was also said to receive messages from beyond the veil, but she could hardly believe she had just heard these words. They were spoken so softly, she was certain Robert, who stood several paces away at the moment, had not heard. “Who says this, Abigael?”

  Abigael raised a knowing brow and pointed her finger. “You are a smart lass. Figure it out yourself.” Turning to gather her belongings, Abigael shoved a pile of unused sheets beneath her arm and gripped her basket in her hand before leaving the house.

  Ginny leaned in to give the babe a soft kiss on the top of his head, before doing the same to Brianna. “You did well, sister. Rest now.”

  “We will be back in the morn to check on you and Wee Ferghus,” Agatha added before they all trailed out the door.

  The fire popped and crackled as the cold wind from outside swept over it. It was otherwise silent with only her, her babe, and Robert in the home. Abigael’s words sat heavily in her mind. Had the woman truly received such a message from Ferghus? If he had truly made Robert promise to care for her before he died, she supposed he would say something like that. Abigael could not possibly know of the promise Robert made to Ferghus on that battlefield, so how would she have made up such a thing? The cold wind that had come through the door suddenly wrapped itself around her and her child, but it did not make her shiver. It felt soothing, calming.

  “Ferghus. We have made a son,” she whispered as a tear ran down her cheek. The cool air grazed her wet skin and she instinctively placed a hand over the spot, feeling somehow as if her husband was with her, though she knew it to be impossible.

  Chapter Nine

  Despite his attempts to soften the woman, Brianna hated him. She made it clear every time he tried to flash her a caring smile or said something kind to her. He had promised himself to make this right, but she seemed to have promised herself to push him further and further away. Robert knew she was still grieving the loss of Ferghus. It had been over five sennights since Ferghus died and their son was born. Brianna’s tears had dried up for the most part, aside from some sniffling he heard late at night coming from her bed. She had healed quite nicely since the birth of Wee Ferghus, as she called him, and life had carried on, as it must. He still went to warrior training for most of the day and helped their king with organizing the guards to protect their gates.

  Caring for Wee Ferghus was natural for Brianna, and Robert’s heart swelled when he watched her giggle and play with her new child, or when he would arrive home to find them cuddled up together in bed, fast asleep. The babe ate from her breast like a glutton and though Brianna had grown comfortable nursing her son freely around Robert, the sight of her engorged breasts hanging out for much of the day had served as a painful reminder that he still wanted her badly. It was also a reminder that he was very far from having her.

  His own feelings of guilt over lusting after his brother’s wife were gone, although his guilt over his brother’s death still lingered. Ferghus had made his last wish clear and Robert was past denying his own love for this woman. Too many years of repressed emotions had turned Robert into a sour, brooding fool. Though he could not change his more demanding nature, he had resolved to finally take his life into his own hands and make Brianna love him again. This task was proving much more complicated than he had envisioned.

  Though they shared a home, they slept in separate beds and led separate lives. Aye, she tended the home while he was away, mended his garments, and cooked his meals while he hunted game, chopped wood, repaired the ever-leaking thatched roof, and all manner of other duties. They lived as a man and wife ought, even taking turns loving and caring for Wee Ferghus. But when it came to affection, Brianna shut down. He was not certain if her constantly recalcitrant behavior was because she still hated him, or if she still loved him and wished to pretend to hate him.

  Robert was tired of living as the “Lone Wolf” everyone had begun to call him since Ferghus’s death. He despised the name. It served as a daily reminder that his brother was gone. But even more so, he despised feeling lonely. If Ferghus’s death had taught him one thing, it was that life was too cursed short. He loved Brianna so much it was killing him inside. He wanted her so much that he physically ached. And he loved Wee Ferghus as his own child. Watching the lad being born had changed him inside. Brianna had been horrified as he watched her birth a babe and took great pains to hide her lower body from him. She had no idea that he only found her more desirable after having watched her bring life into this world. And if her body was a bit more round because of it, well, he wanted to show her how much he truly loved her new figure.

  “Did you hear me, Robert?” her voice pulled him out of his musings as he put his last boot on his foot and laced the leather straps up his strong calves.

  Looking up at her with a lopsided grin, he saw her eyes widen at him. Though she tried to be as angry as possible with him, he had been flashing her more grins and finding more ways to touch her than before. He also found that she often stuttered or lost her train of thought when he did so. And just now, as she stared at his wide smile, she began to titter nervously. He liked that side of her, but what he really wanted was the old Brianna back, the one who laughed easily and wanted nothing more than to be his wife. He had ruined that, but Robert was determined to have it back.

  “I a-asked you if your mother and father were attending our evening meal tonight. If so, I must go into town and visit the m-market.” She held Wee Ferghus in her arms and the babe made a sweet cooing sound as drool ran down his chin.

  Standing up swiftly from his bench seat, Robert adjusted his belt and stepped toward Brianna with another smile. “Nay,” he replied casually. “’Tis just the three of us. Mother prefers not to travel across the village much now that it has become so much colder.” The truth was his mother wanted him to have as much alone time with Brianna as possible. Robert was grateful for it. He needed as much time as possible to thaw Brianna’s forced hatred of him, and he knew it was forced. He had already apologized for the cruel words he had said to her, many times. Aside from that, she truly had no reason to hate him. In fact, he believed she actually cared for him quite a bit, only she was too stubborn for her own good.

  When she did not know he was looking, Robert had seen her watching him from the corner of her eyes, sometimes even as he dressed. He was certain she had seen him bare. He did not hide away to change, after all. This was his home now and she had never once tried to chase him away since the babe was born. They had fallen into a rhythm but one thing Robert refused to do was be uncomfortable in his own home. So, he changed openly and he knew she watched. She wanted to hate him, but he was determined to change that.

  “We could travel to them,” Brianna offered as she adjusted the babe in her arms. “Their home may be on the opposite end of the village, but ’tis not so far.”

  “Here, let me hold Ferghus for you.” Robert took the babe and started bouncing him in his arms, making funny noises. Ferghus bubbled with laughter and chewed on his fist. “’Tis a strapping laddie!” Robert said with a hearty chuckle. He truly loved this child as his own. “And, nay. ’Tis too cold for the babe to be carried across the village. We can stay in tonight and share an evening meal… as a family,” he looked up at her to gauge her reaction. As expected, her cheeks pinked and her hazel eyes widened.

  Her bonny plump lips parted as if to say something, but instead, she pursed them together and nodded her head. Good. She usually fought him on everything and he was pleased that, on this score, she would not try to correct
him. They were a family, mayhap not the usual sort, and he was doing all he could to fix his past mistakes, but he needed her compliance.

  “Where are you off to?” she asked lightly as he handed Ferghus back to her. She wore a bonny purple wool dress today that made her eyes appear greener.

  Reflexively, his hand came up to cup her cheek. “You are so beautiful, Bri. Do you know this?”

  Stepping back from his touch, she lowered her gaze and frowned. “Nay. I may as well be one of the cattle in the byre for all the roundness of my arse, the thickness of my waist, and the milk leaking from my breasts.” Just as she said the words, he noticed two wet spots showing through her dress. She noticed them too and rolled her eyes. “Och, I am a cow!”

  Storming over to the bed, Brianna sat down and swiftly pulled her gown down over her shoulders. Two perfectly plump breasts with stiff pink nipples filled his gaze and he bit his lower lip to stifle the moan. Was it wrong to gaze lustily at a woman as she nursed her child? Was it wrong to feel jealous of the child as it hungrily suckled at her breast?

  A drop of milk clung to the end of her other nipple and he watched in a trance, wondering if it would fall and dreaming of latching on himself and tasting of her in a way no other man would. But he could not truly do such a thing. He had not even been allowed to kiss her, let alone suckle on her breast. This time, a low moan did escape his throat just at the thought.

  Her eyes lifted to his at the sound and she suddenly realized he was staring at her breasts. He expected her to holler or even scowl at him, but instead, she simply smiled and cocked her head, as if she wasn’t sure why he was staring at her. But then her face flushed red and she looked back down. Och, she knew he wanted her. It was not just a want. He had wanted to bury himself deep in her for years, wanted to hear her call his name as he showed her how much he loved her with his body.